This is the testimony I wanted to give in chapel, but every time I was about to stand up Dr. Oats said that we had enough. Since I couldn't use the Student Body (I'm back at Maranatha for those of you who don't know) I will use the whole internet as my private soapbox.
This last fall semester (2005) I had a trial in my life. Through this trial God really showed me a clear picture of myself, needless to say, I didn't like what I saw. To add insult to injury, I decided that to return to Maranatha in the Spring would not be a wise idea. So through finances and this testing, I didn't return. I am so glad God didn't allow me to return. Don't get me wrong I love Maranatha, I did eventually return. But I was so wrapped up with certain aspects of my life. I had made a few idols of my own, which is why I had this huge trail in my life. So during the spring semester and summer I had got to just learn about Jesus, see the real Christ. Since God had shown me my own short comings, I was given the opportunity to real focus on the correction of these significant faults. God use the fact that I could read at my job, and gave me several great titles that changed my life (anything about Jim Elliot). He also used the Internship to teach me about him while I was ministering to these kids. He used my leading songs in the handicapped class to teach me to be willing to do things that I am uncomfortable doing. He just streched me and caused me to grow. Now your probably wondering why the title of this post is "God ain't no pussy cat". The reason I named it that is that I am so grateful that God isn't just a plush Teddy-bear god. They tipping point for me was this incredibly difficult trial. And God used that. He is willing to do seemingly hurtful things (in our limited knowledge) to teach us and change us. He is not here to make us feel good, but to make us good. And to make us good we sometimes have to feel pain. In retrospect that trials was the best thing that has every happened to me. For some reason this remind me of the classic allegory of the Bible, CS lewis's Lion, Witch and Wardrobe. In the book the children are take to the beavers house. They get on the topic of Aslan and the following conversation takes place:
"Then he isn't safe?" asked Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
For me this is one of the most profound things I have heard. God isn't one to let us live our lives comfortably but not completely. God wants us be strive for Him. God doesn't want us to be nice, or to be safe, he wants us to be good. That is the way He is. To be good people though we will most likely have to taste the sting of pain. GOD is not here to make US feel good, but WE are here to bring HIM glory. When all is said and done those pains, those trials, those things in our lives that hurt the most, are the things that will shape and change us most. When we become more like Christ we will be glad we had those testing whether those testing brought you to God, or brought you back to God. Whether they added a new dimension to you life or removed a spiritual cancer. I am glad God isn't a pussy cat, but he is the Lion of Judah.